Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
