god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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