If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
