She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
