You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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