I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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