Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
