To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
