so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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