Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
