he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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