He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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