It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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