im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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