Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
