Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
