...so i touched it.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
