Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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