dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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