EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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