so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
