Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
