I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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