if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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