Joe is yelling at the trees again.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
