i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
