You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
