No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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