I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
