When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
