I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
