I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼‍♀️
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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