my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
