it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
