Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
