so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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