Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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