You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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