did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
