His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
