i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
