dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
