My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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