my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just googled if crying burns calories
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Randomize
