READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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