'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
