this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
