remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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