im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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