my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
