So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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