I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
