could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
