We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
