So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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