why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
