I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
