I accidentally burped into my bong.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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