they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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