So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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