but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
