I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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