I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
