I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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