So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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