can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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